White Birds and Lemons (2009)

He is a lusty and gifted musician, that originally hails from Auckland and now he’s residing in the infamous “underbelly” suburb of Ascot Vale, in Melbourne. This youngster, sings/preaches and plays guitar in the musical group, White Birds and Lemons. Mr Scott Frantz is our ideal gentleman of this aeon because he’s totally talented, makes a pleasurable pizza, and he’s of Hungarian-Gypsy decent. Swoon!

Quite like the “Sweet Hungarian Paprika” you can buy at the Supermarket, a pinch of Scott Frantz will infuse any gig, party or outrageous event with some piquant pleasure ensued by an aftertaste of subtle misbehaviour.

We should have asked Scott for an update on his Australian gigs or perhaps about the band’s lovely recent reviews. Maybe we could have asked him about the recording of White Birds and Lemon’s new album and how the rest of the charming band mates are getting on in their new province. Perhaps, we ought to have asked Scott what’s on his play list right now. Stuff about his hopes, aspirations and musical achievements would have all made for an impressive interview. Last week, we asked him some other questions instead.

1. I strongly believe that alcohol was invented to humiliate me. Along with the tagging application on Facebook, 8-10aa sized bras and Mariah Carey’s wide vocal range. Is there anything out there that you resent in getting pleasure from?

Well, an obvious one is seeing people take mad bails in public places, like tripping up stairs and falling in puddles, but I’m sure everyone loves that kind of thing. Another thing that gets me off in a cringe-worthy way is telling bums who ask for money I have none whilst shaking the shrapnel around in my pocket.

2. Scott, do you have any favourite song lyrics that you manage to fuse with everyday conversation?

 Recently, at the restaurant I work at I’ve been casually speaking lyrics to different songs in question form to the Italians who can’t really understand me, for example - ” Hey cosimo, when the world has turned paralysed and wronged, cold-blooded claws never offered anything at all? ” … It’s a really fun game, but after a while they realize I’m fucking with them and revert to swearing at me in Italian whenever I try. Bastards.

3. The “android age” is nigh. A trillion autobotical-chrome-beings are probably lined up in the sewers and getting ready to attack when some geeky faggot decides to open a FWD that reads “send this email to 15 people to receive a girlfriend and a world wide robot attack”. Scott, have you noticed any evidence of robot supremacy lately? Like what?

I opened that email, nothing’s happened… yet.

4. I only like to eat lettuce when it’s warm and Mon likes to watch herself in the mirror when she’s talking on the phone. Do you have any private idiosyncrasies that you would like to share with us? Please, go on.

Whenever I’m in a really quiet crowded place like a train or a library, I always wonder what reactions I’d get if I just started singing real loud or if I let out a blood curdling scream.

5. There are many things that will accelerate the heart rate these days. Such as aerobics, a kiss from the most perfect lover or a surprise mugging. So, what causes your heart rate to board the express train to Beatsville?

Being chased by pit bulls made my heart beat the fastest it has ever beaten. In that one instant when I realised that those dogs running towards me were actually wanting to rip me up, my heart must have jumped from 80bpm to 280bpm in a second.

6. I have a dog named Ella and Mon has a goldfish called Defrock Now. What names do you want to give to your future children?

Taj is a cool name I think. For a girl maybe something like Lavinia.

7. I just can’t seem to forgive my self for doing you know what, to you know who back in 1992. What’s the most embarrassing thing you have ever witnessed?

Probably stuff I’ve seen my band mates do. Stuff I can’t really talk about. Embarrassing though!

8. There are things on our planet that evidently exist but we rarely ever get to witness them with our own eyes. Such as sound waves, the Lion-Tailed Macaque and dust mites. Have you ever seen the Dustin Diamond (Screech from saved By The Bell) sex tape?

I saw a picture of a down-syndrome tiger on the Internet. Was hilarious!! Probably just been photo shopped though. Still, go search for downs-tiger!

9. After doing some research on the internet we learned that there’s a pelican and lemon zest recipe, which is a customary dish to the country of Seychelles. If someone served you up a plate of white birds with lemon, would you eat it? Also, what would you have for dessert?

Pelican, shiiit I dunno if I could eat something like that. I tried kangaroo meat the other day and it freaked me out, just because it was kangaroo. I’d have to ready myself if I was gonna eat a plate of white birds and lemon. Think I’d have a tiramisu for dessert.

10. Can you please finish this for us.Scott the mystical and groovy fox, went out to dance with the wolves. While walking through the forest to their favourite nightclub, they stumbled across a stray hand grenade and all pancaked in to a nearby rabbit hole. Turns out it was just a pinecone. After the rouge on their furry cheeks had subsided, Scott the fox declared that they all start up a…

beatbox and each rap a verse about their experiences. Solid.

Visit White Birds and Lemons on Myspace, right here! www.myspace.com/whitebirdsandlemons

“Thanks, Scott”